Cyber Bullying in the Neighborhood

The previous content of this post, my narrative about being a victim to a several-year-long bullying pattern of behavior, has been removed in response to written demand from a lawyer representing the other party. I stand behind my story and the truth contained within but have better things to do with my time and money than defend myself from frivolous accusations. However, I will not be silenced about cyber stalking and bullying. These are very real, very wrong approaches to conflict. Adult bullying is rarely written about but its effects can be as harmful and long-lasting to both victim and perpetrator as child-to-child bullying.

StopBullying.org, a program of the US Department of Health and Human Services, defines bullying as a pattern of using an imbalance of power to manipulate others. While this pattern often stops in childhood, it can continue in workplaces and communities.

PBS’ This Emotional Life writes “Research has found that as many as a quarter of American employees will experience some form of bullying at work. Different from constructive criticism or conflict, bullying is persistent, it focuses on a person rather than a task, and the recipient feels powerless to stop it. Worst of all, employees who experience bullying find that it’s just as hard to explain and stop the abuse as it is to suffer through it.”

The Washington Education Association details the potential toll on a bullying victim. “When one person bullies another, the targeted person's emotional strength becomes strained. As a result of this strain, serious health conditions may arise.  Psychological health conditions include stress, depression, and mood swings; loss of sleep and fatigue; feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and low self-esteem. Physical health conditions may also result and include post-traumatic stress disorder, reduced immunity to infection, stress headaches, high blood pressure, and digestive problems.”

I found that adult relational aggression is difficult to address between adults with no clear authority figure. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some resources to help:

• Jenise Harmon, MSW, LISW, offers 6 Steps for Dealing with Adult Bullies.
• Jezebel.com, often a humor site, tackles this topic seriously and thoroughly in ‘How To Stand Up To Adult Bullies.’
• Workplace Bullying Institute has guides, offers coaching, and provides timely blog articles.
• If you are a victim feeling very depressed, get help from a mental health professional or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

All the Little Projects

We jumped right into making our new house a home by checking off some little projects that needed to be done:

• removed carpet downstairs to reduce my allergies to dogs and dust mites
• installed a tie-out for the dogs until fencing can be completed
• hung bird feeders to begin to understand who lives here
• planted tulip bulbs, Lil's first part of her flower garden
• installed a mailbox and post because the old ones were knocked over before we moved in
• put together a cart to hold the mailbox and post and tools
• assembled Twitter-found bed frame and stainless kitchen work table
• re-installed smoke detectors (there were none!)

There are many more little and big projects to come:

• Find the box with my socks - seriously, I've been washing and wearing the same three pairs for over a week
• Fence a dog yard
• Replace leaky kitchen faucet and maybe the sink while we're at it
• Replace incandescent lightbulbs all over the place
• Paint and furnish Lil's room per her specifications, a bribe we gave her to get through the moving stress
• Replace dated hardware and fixtures
• Finish removing carpet tack trips and staples, oh goodness hundreds of staples
• Plant cuttings I took from plants at the old house
• Plant orchard so trees can get established before the spring
• Locate and begin a compost bin
• Make kitchen more workable with shelving, maybe new cooktop?
• Tons of tree work
• Which will inevitably lead to installing a wood stove

Tomorrow I'll post something non-house related and a recipe post is coming soon.

What little (and big) projects are happening in your world?

New Homestead: First Look

We're all moved in to the new homestead!

Our new place is a large Cape Cod house on almost two acres right in the middle of Columbus. The lot has several very large Burr Oak trees and lots of open space to garden.

Austra and Rosetta, the chickens, are living in a new coop that will offer protection from the hawks and other predators abundant on our lot. We also saw our first deer hanging out in the back yard tonight.

There is plenty of work yet to do - the kitchen is full of boxes but lacking in counter space, our homeschool room is a wreck of furniture, and we don't even have a mailbox installed. We're exhausted from moving but excited about the labor to make real the potential we see in this homestead.

All The News

The apple Lil is holding in the picture at right is the most special apple she's ever held. She picked it herself, but picking apples is nothing new to her.

This apple is organic and of a heritage variety, but for a girl who eats Charlie's gold rush fruit all winter, that's not special either.

What is exciting beyond exciting, is that this apple is off a tree at our soon-to-be new house!

You can see a glimpse of the Cape Cod home, three car garage and large backyard with old growth trees that will soon become our homestead. The new place is only a couple miles from our current house in Clintonville, yet zoned rural. We'll fill in details after we move at the end of the month.

And A New Vehicle

To assist in the move, we bought a pick up truck. It just feels right to have a pickup if we're going to manage two acres. Our Ford Ranger 'Rebel' was built before I could drive but has fewer miles than our other car. Soon she'll be filled with mulch, soil, straw, and lumber for the many projects we hope to complete at the new house.

And A Tour of Dairies

I will be part of a team of bloggers touring Ohio Dairies this Monday - Wednesday. We'll see everything from milking to cheesemaking. I'm sure I'll report some of what I see here but you can follow @racheltayse on Twitter or RachelTayse on Instagram where I will post live pictures and reactions.

And It's Earth Science Week

Today is the beginning of Earth Science Week. You may not know it, but my undergraduate degree is in geological sciences and I remain fascinated by rocks and soil. Check out the Earth Science Week website for learning opportunities and activities near you. Tuesday is No Child Left Inside Day - be sure to help a child you love spend some time playing outdoors then.

What's going on in your world?

Home Update

Many of you have asked for an update on house selling and moving. Here's what's up: We are having house showings every other day. I am sweeping and mowing and cleaning messes the second after they are made. All this displaced grasping for control over an uncontrollable situation has yet to result in an offer.

Perhaps our house is too odd for someone else to love. Maybe when so many people say they want vegetable gardens and the urban homesteading ideal, they don't actually want the resulting look. I feel like maybe we're weirder than we thought. The fact that I giggle at the idea of a Realtor Llama confirms that I'm weird, right?

Meanwhile, we found a house we want to love just a few miles from our current house. It has room to grow, cook, host, and teach. There are outbuildings to house creatures including a cat for Lil. We're dreaming a little, but we can't make a successful offer until we sell our current house.

I'm detached from our house now but not allowing myself to emotionally invest in the new house. I feel home-less.

The Value Of Home

Feeling as though I don't have one makes me value the idea of home more than ever.

A home is a place where we can create, where we relax, where we grow our own food. Home has edible projects hanging in the basement and fermenting on counters.

A house on the market means our creative toys and tools are packed away and we don't want to make messes anyways. The four pounds of pancetta hanging must be carefully tucked away every time we have a showing.

Our poor hounds can't find a place to rest and just when I think I can put my feet up, I get a showing request that requires a cleaning routine. Meals have become much less exciting and are often cooked and eaten at other people's houses.

In other words, for a true home maker like myself, house-selling is wearing thin.

Silver Linings

Given that we have a very nice house now and are looking to own an even better one puts us ahead of most of the world population. I don't take that for granted for a second. We are privileged folks.

So I try to recognize that some of our house-selling routines have come with unexpected benefits. We combined all the dirty laundry locations to a single basket which is now washed, dried, and folded as soon as it is full. Our new system saves so many piles of clothing laying around. Similarly, we do dishes as soon as we finish a meal. The kitchen has never been cleaner and it is truly lovely to wake up to an empty sink.

I am an impatient person who is uncomfortable with uncertainty, so it is no surprise that I am ready for all of this to be over. I just need someone to buy my house. Know anyone?

Old Hound Devie {Wordless Wednesday}

They say moving is one of the most stressful life events along with death, divorce, and illness. Most of the family is holding up well but the old hound dog Devie is a mess. Alex insists that I tell you I am the second in line for 'most stressed'.

First we took away her couch. Her twelve-year-old paws click and clack on the hardwood floors downstairs as she tries to find somewhere comfortable to rest.

Then, when we have showings, we are taking her on rides in the car (which she hates) to new and unfamiliar places.

She has taken to lying on our bed (previously forbidden) where I snapped these shots of her sweet greyed face, outstretched paws, and my favorite droopy lips.

I wish Dev could understand me when I promise that she will have a wide wonderful world to explore at a new house soon. We'll even find a place for her old stinky couch.

Stuff, Stuff, Stuff

The past few weeks have been consumed by painting, decluttering, and pre-moving to ready our house for sale. We're exhausted and we have too much stuff.

I feel like I do a decent job or donating items when they are no longer in use and we don't overbuy. We have a few small collections but mostly they are of useful things like cookbooks and canning jars. It still seems like too much when we're packing things away so the house can look open and inviting.

Much of our 'stuff' is tools and supplies for the many DIY activities we take on. We have one set of shelves for canned goods and jars. Another is stacked with carboys and beer brewing equipment. The garage contains everything needed to tear down a kitchen, create countertops, fix a bicycle, build raised beds, tend a garden, and fly a kite. Our craft room contains material and a machine for sewing, supplies for making candles, cleaning sprays, knitted things, watercolors, paintings, and letters.

Not to mention the books. For every activity mentioned above, we have dozens of books for inspiration and instruction.

I envy the RV travel lifestyle right now where the stuff is pared down to what you can fit in a few bags. I could do with leaving this house and all the work it represents behind right now.

But we will stick with managing the stuff because I can't really give up our DIY lifestyle. The hard work of packing will end soon, I hope, with a new place with more space to garden, brew, cook, make and create.

We still haven't found a place to move to, for all who are asking. We hope to stay in Clintonville but find a bigger lot for more growing space and privacy. Amongst all the packing of stuff we are looking at houses and enjoying the blooms of our current house, like the hellebore above.

The Affair is Over - What Now?

The house we were pining over has another lover. In other words, it is in contract, but not with us. Garlic sprouts are peeking out of the soil here at home and there is new growth on our many perennial plants. The yard is more attractive than it was a month ago and part of me wants to stay here to reap the harvest from our fruit trees.

Alas, we still don't have room for bees, grain fields, rabbits, or the orchard of our dreams. When the dogs bark at each person that passes by our busy sidewalk, I want to pack up and move somewhere more secluded.

There is also the consideration of Lil's schooling. We are 90% sure that we will homeschool next year but did enter the lottery for the school a block away. If, for some unforeseen reason, we need to enroll her in public school and she manages to be selected for the lottery school, it would be awfully convenient to live here.

Briefly last week we considered a rebound deal, a bigger old home on a quarter acre in an up and coming area of Columbus. Again, someone else signed a contract before we could fit in a showing.

We're unsure what our next steps will be in the home search journey. What do you think?